Epilogue.. for now.

Thus brings us to current times..

As far as 2009 goes, a lot has happened, i found lots of new friends, my dog died, i went thailand, had an argument with my dad, have nephew, played in prom, got my degree, went roadtrips, saw a counselor, went to 2 group counseling, take pictures for an interview, take a picture for a product, joined the canticle singers as silent roles, put on makeup, went to see meteor shower, had bacon party, car got stolen.

If i were to name all, it would take up a lot.

Suffice to say, a lot has gone, a lot still going on, and the year ahead should be somewhat interesting.

What really took me by surprise this year, and how my uni ended was the fact i have never felt so much responsibility thrown onto my lap before, the things i think about, the things i do, the weighing of decisions, the balance keeping, just wasn't something i like to carry with me right now.

Dreams put on hold, desires suppressed, feelings masked, words unspoken, these are just few of the many things that i supposed most of us feel when we grow up. as normal as it seems, it shouldn't be this way any longer than it should.

Call me naive, idealist, dreamer, but there are still things in life that are worth pursuing despite being worthless in some eyes.

So, as uni ended, and it's been a bumpy ride, to sum everything up as my counselor puts it - there will always be choices.

Choices indeed.

Let's anticipate what forthcoming choices i will have to make.

-Bah, Emo Fail-

Chapter - Getting There

Winter '08

Age: 22

Status: WTF

After CF camp of the previous year, finally got into a group of friends that i actually can work with ease, with my own style and still get good marks on group assignments. Was happy.

Unfortunately (or fortunate, it's a double-edged sword), things took the worst of turns, being fragile inside and illogically flawed in the brains (men have two heads, and one is almost zero efficiency when comes to rational thinking), made some really bad decisions.

Cost me health (though some still speculate it's because i cut my hair till an unacceptable (short) length), friends, worth and hope. Was the worst of times, was the turning point in uni life.

True friends remained, acquaintances wore colored glasses and people hear what they wanna hear.

Life got simpler. "Friends", deleted. Good riddance.

Swore off certain relationships. Got back into the system, had my best semester ever.

Life was slightly better.

Christmas, cut hair, fell sick a week, WTF.

"Traded your worth for these scars, for your only company." - Simon, Lifehouse.

-Fading Away-

.. digress a lil to say..

-Happy Birthday!-

Chapter - Getting Around

Winter '07

Age: 21

Status: Getting a footing

Getting used to how the system works - you attend lectures, get into groups, do some work, then you sit for an exam.

The other part is you make friends, you have a trial period, then everyone finds their comfort zone and remain there, for an extended period of time.

Sometimes you win sometimes you lose, you could never really keep count because it was so fast moving, one minute you are the next you're not.

Probably should have counted the cost before i start building, the cost of sacrificing time and effort was not enough to justify the outcome that ultimately leads to a point of descension in following year(s).

Nevertheless, gained enough interest to what i am studying to carry on and in hopes that it will prove useful in days to come.

Still holding on to friends of the past, maybe not ready to let go, maybe because i worry about making new ones that would see right through me the first time round, but all in all, life goes on.

You win some you lose some.

-OverView-

Prologue

Summer '06

Age: 20

Status: Directionless

As i completed my STPM with mediocre grades, worked a part time job as a teacher, was prepared to embrace life in university, a public one at that. However, hopes were dashed when i could not secure a place in any university, worried, i applied to UTAR, but in the meanwhile hoping that my appeal to the education board would come to fruition and that my months of waiting would not be in vain.

It was in vain, not only was my appeal rejected, UTAR has refused to accept me because i have waited too long to enrol in its program. Thus began the journey to find other universities, a private one at that. My mind was already set really, to go to HELP.

The next 3 years of my life, i was to fulfill my desires of which i wanted to do in public universities, but now here. But, as life would has it, it always seem a little different than what you planned.

-Hope-

It is finished

Star Track!

There is hope yet! Not everyone has become a bimbo!

Happy Birthday Mom!

It's a cliche

But i think you're probably your early forties, i might be wrong, but hey, does it matter?

It's not like you had a great life, maybe you wished for something better, something else?

Something that you could live through your kids.

But all in all, your mere existence was nothing short of a godsend.

Yea, this kind of speech has been made a million times, and there is a good reason why it never grew old.

And i at least know the reason, and i am grateful.

So here's a post dedicated to my mom on her birthday today. It may not be much, it may not be glamorous, it's just real.

LIFT!

okok, will blog properly later.

Lights!

Technology Students Mess with Dormitory Lights - The best video clips are here

That Feeling

I think it's kinda funny, pay attention to the lyrics!

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Cookie!

source: http://www.abc.net.au/reslib/200803/r232591_930817.jpg

Somebody Else's Song

Yea, car got stolen, if you haven't hear it by now..

...but that's not what i am pissed about.

As it was 4 years ago, when i was robbed in broad daylight in almost the same area, i couldn't spend effort to be angry and curse the wrongdoers to death. Maybe it's because i know nothing could be done to change the situation, it can only be improved upon.

Anyway, what i am pissed about is the "victims".

Yea, just because you went through a bad horrible day does not mean you have the right to be an ass.

Yea, your problem is the most salient, and it's big because they are your problem, but damn, keep it inside and stop pointing it to the whole world (maybe a while is ok, but not to the point of being a total jerk and asshole!)

To illustrate my point:

So i was at the doorstep of a police investigator waiting for my turn to see the sergeant, up came a couple and a elderly woman.

From a brief conversation exchanged between the elderly woman and my pop, found out she is christian (yea, WHAT ARE THE ODDS?)

So, the elderly woman was alright, minor complains and concerns because her house was broken into.

My piss was directed to the couple, the elderly woman's daughter and her bf.

First off, they have no sense of time. OK situation: Sergeant has another investigation on going in his office, and we have no idea what it was, obviously. Ok back to bitching or conveying my thoughts (HAHA):

SO this couple, barely came in ten minutes, sat down on a nice sofa, complaint that "WTF!" is the sergeant doing inside the office, and that they waited half an hour.

Then they found out there was a girl inside talking 'cause they rudely knocked on the door to ask how long they have to wait.

Then after a while, they said they waited for an hour, it was barely half an hour! Their timezone probably was in the "You're a retard" zone.

Still bearable, i was just waiting.

Then they were speculating just what was going on in the office, then they complaint about having to go to this police station rather than the one in KJ, 'cause they reported it there while staying in the same area as me.

This started to annoy me, first off, you don't know even know whose jurisdiction you are in, and you simply scolding the police for being inefficient? Dude, if you only took more time to CARE about YOUR RIGHTS and have more COMMON SENSE, you'd know where to report, so don't complain you dick.

So yea, so its ya own fault you had to come here, now you complain about police being efficient cause they wanna HELP you INVESTIGATE and PREVENT it from happening again, so yea, it's soooooooo their fault for asking you to go see a sergeant so he can get details and send people to take pictures of your house and probably improve your area's (which is also my area) security, it's their fault you cannot go home early, it's their fault you cannot go clean up your house so that investigations can be carried out.

Alright, so that one not as bad, what is worse than that? Well i don't know, let's see..

YOU BOTH SPECULATE THE SERGEANT IS WASTING TIME FLIRTING!

That's right, a sergeant being a sergeant and his job to interview victims to carry out investigations, does not have the right to talk to a woman in his office which was quite opened, to interview her, yeap, it's so much easier to say he is flirting and wasting our taxpayer's money, i'm so glad you both as a couple are like "angels" sent from above, so pure, so holy, so pharisee-like!

You gotta be a dimwit so sink that low to speculate such thing, oh no, you didn't stop there, you played the race card, used foul language, showed temper, oh oh, the best part? When the sergeant finally did came out, and was so damn polite and apologetic, you have the nerves to say "sudah tunggu lama la!"

I was about to slap you left and right cause bible told you so to let me.

But then again, maybe you both weren't christians...

so when the couple left, i asked the elderly woman if her whole family was christian, she pointed out the couple was christians (well one being a catholic) and she kept stressing the point she had to go to church the next day.

Great, she mentioned what sins she committed to have her house broken into, my cue to step in, i told her it wasn't her sins that got her into this situation, but as she and the couple sat down there for barely 20 minutes, they already committed far more sins than they should in that short span of time.

I told her to tell them off, as expected, she looked down, avoided my gaze and pretended nothing happened.

By the way, the police are quite a good bunch, maybe not all, but there are, stop stigmatizing, because you stigmatize, people are less inclined to join the force, therefore sometimes making them short of staff, in return work are slower, making you wait longer, making you complain and label them again, and the whole cycle starts again, there, next time? SHUT UP, oh yea, one final thing, you complained this country going down in ruins, yea, guess who is not helping? YOU! You played the race card, you complain but didn't offer solutions, you didn't empathize, you just have a mouth which spills out rubbish, maybe you are bringing this country to ruin, have you thought about that before you speak? Victim? I laugh in ya face

Oh well, at least i got it off my chest, yea, you may noticed i shoulda noticed the log in my own eyes right?

Yea, there, one sin for me and counting.

Updates

T'was the peak of my acting career

though role is small, but plenty of cheers

Put on makeup, not once, not twice

It was something new, but it wasn't very nice

Assignments are done

presentations i have none

what is left to beat

are exams! It, i will defeat!

With what my conditions are

time now to look for job near or far

one that pays well, one that pays good

to put on the table for my family food

Meeting new, old friends

hair, clothes, contact lens

sleep, play, reading, watching

look, see, teasing, talking

Dog gone, tears shed

weather cold, skin bled

That's all

still standing tall

Solution...

... to swine flu

source: http://imgrr.com/x/10zutkg.jpg

What THE....

AN ACTUAL AD

Makeup

I don't understand why girls like makeup

why?

I've been doing it for the past 5 days?

IT IS A HASSLE!

TAKING IT OFF IS STUPID AND TIME CONSUMING!

WHY??

Why subject yourself to torture?!?!?

WHY?

On top of it all, i look PRETTY, not even handsome

IT IS GAY LOOKING!

Apart from that, the makeup people also ok looking la

unless it's because of makeup!

ARGH!

the horror!!

I mean a girl can look chun but if take off makeup then how???

I CANNOT BE DECEIVED THIS WAY!

My weak heart cannot endure!

My eyes will burn!

So how come it's such a BIG INDUSTRY??

I know why

I just don't get the logic

Shut up

i'm a guy

Superstar Syndrome

I think Steven Curtis Chapman said bout having a rockstar syndrome because he was gaining a lot of fame back in his earlier days, and how easy it is to lose focus.

Well, sometimes we all fall victim to it, be it thinking we are -holier-than-thou or that all other departments students are idiots who cannot think intellectually (which i really think so! HAHA) or be it just being a douche because your role is "higher".

No, i don't deny that there are hierarchies and we do always have someone above us, but it's not right when it's uncalled for.

Case in point: I announced my intentions when i go into a room where priorities are

given higher to people above me, and wasn't my intention to do anything that would jeopardize that priority, so why the heck would you wanna SAY IT OUT LOUD that i was to be put beneath you? Are you that insecure?

Superstar syndrome, or maybe it's face problem, i mean my face, don't seem to get along well with some of the people. Someone mention

ed smile more, maybe i should la, or i just go ask people why they don't get along with me.

Hey if i asked a girl if she was lesbian even if i don't know her and she still is my friend, i think safe enough to ask "what the heck is wrong with you?" to these people right?

yes, i am gonna do that.

-BackSide-

..by the window

As far as i could remember, there were a few best friends in life.

One particularly was a Spitz breed dog name Daisy.

Now Daisy had golden brown fur and was always delightful in the presence of people, i always thought she had the knack for acrobatics as she loves jumping and standing on two to get my attention.

One day, mom and i went out to the store, and when we got back, she was gone. But the gate wasn't opened, everything seemed in place, we searched the neighborhood, but we couldn't find her. No way she could have ran off, we surmised she was kidnapped, probably was my fault, because at that time, there was a free gift thing going on in one of the electrical shops, and we already obtained one free gift, but our letterbox had another, so we went again, this time Daisy was then taken away, could be a ploy to get us out of the house so she could be kidnapped, i am not sure if that was what really went down, but as far as my memory goes, that was how i remembered it.

The second one i remembered was Junior, no idea how that name came about. The dog one day went into my uncle's shop, and we decided to adopt it, Junior was either deaf or he was called by another name, he never knew or learned to respond to his name even after so long. He was a mixed breed, i at least know he is part shih-tzu.

Junior lived with us for awhile, though he was with ticks and very active, he became someone that was part of the family, we took him everywhere, even to Ipoh, where we would go on waterfall trips and he would be there as well.

I was initially afraid of him, given that i was pretty young, but then i just came to appreciate him.

He always had this fur problem, which poked his eyes, we always cut it when we can, but one day maggots filled the eyes and was eating him away alive.

We obviously brought him to the neighborhood vet, whose fees we couldn't afford, but we didn't want to put him down, so the vet kindly said he will do the operation for free and will put him up for adoption, and whoever willing to pay the fee will get Junior.

We consented and that was the last i saw him.

As with Daisy, i wept for a day or two, and was depressed for quite awhile.

The dog my neighbor reared looks like Junior, but he wasn't.

I don't know how he is doing.

I just wept.

I think from then on i didn't want to be attached to any more animals, and i didn't.

Till come 2009, sis brought back Pepper, a Lhasa Apso breed tibetan dog. Not much of a connection really, i tried not to, given past experiences.

But i couldn't resist, i still didn't do much with him, my family did more, but i play with him when i can and discipline him.

Then on Friday, the most recent one, he ran out of the house, onto the road and got into a hit-and-run.

Sister brought it home, he seemed fine, he didn't make a noise, and his eyes was still big and he was trying to move, but he moved a bit then fall, moved a bit and fall, he tried to draw closer to me at one point, but he was coughing blood and panting, we tried to rush him to the vet hospital. But he died halfway. So we went back home instead.

As with the others, i wept.

The whole day today didn't feel right, tv shows wasn't making me laugh, i just slept.

I could have prevented him from running out, what was i thinking? But too late.

I apologize to those whom i said doggie heaven wasn't real, i hope it exist, i don't know why, i hope they do, even with Pepper i already not as attached and i feel so much. He is buried in the lawn in front of my house. At least this time, he is closer to home than the rest.

-Pepper-

Red Hot Chili..

Sometimes the line between caring and not caring is blurred.