Sitrep

-Scath-

Life always has two sides.

The ones we picked aren't always the prettier side.

We can play the blame game, we really can, we can say "if only.." we can criticize, we can feel nothing, we can feel everything, but one question: how is it going to help?

This world is messed up.

Fucked up would be the better term.

Yea, yes to you, i am writing about another death, a friend, decided to end his own life. That's 2 this year.

2, in our eyes is such a small number, but, 2 is enough. Enough in this case.

I've heard enough of we could have done more, they should have done something about it, yea we all could have, but we didn't, so drop it.

If you wanna draw anything, is that we are idiots.

yea, you're soooooooo SAD because you didn't do anything for this friend, yeap, you're right, you have your own life, you got retarded attitude and even people near you ain't hearing shit about what you doing, what more another friend who is further away?

Ah, yea, i drifted a bit and was angry..

Just..

don't ever leave without saying goodbye.

Yea, please.

Lapse

Today, i read a book while sipping coffee in starbucks today.

What an odd feeling.

I remember a time where i used to grace the walkways of shopping malls alone, enjoying the crowd, the motions and details that were rich and too much to be absorbed, the audio filled both of my ears.

I remember just staring at the countless number of people enjoying their

day, and then return home alone, thinking that it was a great day.

I remember holding up a book every night, immersing myself in the world penned by people unknown to me, and living the characters as if i was them.

I remember putting down a book after reading it and thought to myself, what an epic story.

All that was lost, momentarily, with advent of more technology, time seems to run out faster than usual. Maybe time to close the browser, switch off the modem that hasn't rested since the day you turned it on.

Maybe, time to utilize time.

-Notion-

Sands

.. it seems death gets nearer to my doorstep, and posts about passing of someone appears a bit too often for my comfort.

Seems every few months, death comes into my circle and knocks on someone's door, and all the time, it never takes no for an answer.

Once again, a good friend, though not close, but friend nonetheless, has left.

Why can't i come to terms with death? Why does it still surprise and shock me?

Untimely, uninviting and swift, leaves me no room to say goodbyes, or should i say goodbyes to every one from now on?

Death.

Keeps me in check with life. The irony.

Though untimely, yet it serves as a good reminder before i immerse myself into the depths of the working world that life is what i make it out to be.

Only last month i sat in the same exam hall, and she told me a week prior to it not to worry because it will be easy.

Now, a memory.

Here and gone, i'm halfway there.

-Empty Stage-

Seasonal

The sun comes up and goes back down

Unwaivering, ever on time

The times where we don't make a sound

Are times that silence is the crime

------------------------------------

It's when you let go, you gain

When you give up, He gives

When you stay around long enough, you learn

You never get what you want

That's life.

Simon

..of course referring to the song sung by Lifehouse.

Such a beautiful song.

I am sure twitter and facebook and most every social network and media have been reporting about recent happenings.

To which, as one aptly said that it brings hope, not the event itself, but the response it garnered.

There are still smart and thoughtful people, in a world we lived in, such people are

rare and scarce, but still present, which makes this place seems a bit brighter, a bit better.

I forgot the pleasure of just sitting..

2008, when i had this unexplained sickness which caused me unending spins in the head and i was chair bound for a month or two, at the sight of the ceiling fan would make me faint and nauseated, i realized i needed to just sit.

As weird as it sounds, all the more in times where things are fast moving, endless information goes through our filter, we are constantly bombarded with needless things, we just forget to...

stop.

I am thankful for the times where people would invite me out to just do nothing but gaze into the stars, the times where traffic is slow moving and rainbow fills the sky. When i actually just stop and look up, that amidst tall buildings and lifeless structure, the beauty of surroundings is overwhelming, even the buildings itself are creations of someone's mind and how oft

en would one appreciate it?

I hear phrases like, "Is there more to this?"

Everyone will have a different answer, no right or wrong, every one has a role to play, be it to serve or to be served, every one is at their place at the right time for something.

Today is my dear sister's birthday, she may not be the brother i wanted all my life, she may not be someone i would talk to much nowadays, nevertheless, we are bound by blood and family is family, there is nothing and no one i would want in replace of her.

Happy birthday :)

-One At A Time-

HO!

You may remember this..

so here's this( i know, 2010, and already this kind of jokes, it's so me):

To Infinity and Beyond!

One man's tune is another man's torture to the ears.

Ba-zin-ga!

-6-String Darkness-

Epilogue.. for now.

Thus brings us to current times..

As far as 2009 goes, a lot has happened, i found lots of new friends, my dog died, i went thailand, had an argument with my dad, have nephew, played in prom, got my degree, went roadtrips, saw a counselor, went to 2 group counseling, take pictures for an interview, take a picture for a product, joined the canticle singers as silent roles, put on makeup, went to see meteor shower, had bacon party, car got stolen.

If i were to name all, it would take up a lot.

Suffice to say, a lot has gone, a lot still going on, and the year ahead should be somewhat interesting.

What really took me by surprise this year, and how my uni ended was the fact i have never felt so much responsibility thrown onto my lap before, the things i think about, the things i do, the weighing of decisions, the balance keeping, just wasn't something i like to carry with me right now.

Dreams put on hold, desires suppressed, feelings masked, words unspoken, these are just few of the many things that i supposed most of us feel when we grow up. as normal as it seems, it shouldn't be this way any longer than it should.

Call me naive, idealist, dreamer, but there are still things in life that are worth pursuing despite being worthless in some eyes.

So, as uni ended, and it's been a bumpy ride, to sum everything up as my counselor puts it - there will always be choices.

Choices indeed.

Let's anticipate what forthcoming choices i will have to make.

-Bah, Emo Fail-

Chapter - Getting There

Winter '08

Age: 22

Status: WTF

After CF camp of the previous year, finally got into a group of friends that i actually can work with ease, with my own style and still get good marks on group assignments. Was happy.

Unfortunately (or fortunate, it's a double-edged sword), things took the worst of turns, being fragile inside and illogically flawed in the brains (men have two heads, and one is almost zero efficiency when comes to rational thinking), made some really bad decisions.

Cost me health (though some still speculate it's because i cut my hair till an unacceptable (short) length), friends, worth and hope. Was the worst of times, was the turning point in uni life.

True friends remained, acquaintances wore colored glasses and people hear what they wanna hear.

Life got simpler. "Friends", deleted. Good riddance.

Swore off certain relationships. Got back into the system, had my best semester ever.

Life was slightly better.

Christmas, cut hair, fell sick a week, WTF.

"Traded your worth for these scars, for your only company." - Simon, Lifehouse.

-Fading Away-

.. digress a lil to say..

-Happy Birthday!-

Chapter - Getting Around

Winter '07

Age: 21

Status: Getting a footing

Getting used to how the system works - you attend lectures, get into groups, do some work, then you sit for an exam.

The other part is you make friends, you have a trial period, then everyone finds their comfort zone and remain there, for an extended period of time.

Sometimes you win sometimes you lose, you could never really keep count because it was so fast moving, one minute you are the next you're not.

Probably should have counted the cost before i start building, the cost of sacrificing time and effort was not enough to justify the outcome that ultimately leads to a point of descension in following year(s).

Nevertheless, gained enough interest to what i am studying to carry on and in hopes that it will prove useful in days to come.

Still holding on to friends of the past, maybe not ready to let go, maybe because i worry about making new ones that would see right through me the first time round, but all in all, life goes on.

You win some you lose some.

-OverView-

Prologue

Summer '06

Age: 20

Status: Directionless

As i completed my STPM with mediocre grades, worked a part time job as a teacher, was prepared to embrace life in university, a public one at that. However, hopes were dashed when i could not secure a place in any university, worried, i applied to UTAR, but in the meanwhile hoping that my appeal to the education board would come to fruition and that my months of waiting would not be in vain.

It was in vain, not only was my appeal rejected, UTAR has refused to accept me because i have waited too long to enrol in its program. Thus began the journey to find other universities, a private one at that. My mind was already set really, to go to HELP.

The next 3 years of my life, i was to fulfill my desires of which i wanted to do in public universities, but now here. But, as life would has it, it always seem a little different than what you planned.

-Hope-

It is finished

Star Track!

There is hope yet! Not everyone has become a bimbo!

Happy Birthday Mom!

It's a cliche

But i think you're probably your early forties, i might be wrong, but hey, does it matter?

It's not like you had a great life, maybe you wished for something better, something else?

Something that you could live through your kids.

But all in all, your mere existence was nothing short of a godsend.

Yea, this kind of speech has been made a million times, and there is a good reason why it never grew old.

And i at least know the reason, and i am grateful.

So here's a post dedicated to my mom on her birthday today. It may not be much, it may not be glamorous, it's just real.

LIFT!

okok, will blog properly later.

Lights!

Technology Students Mess with Dormitory Lights - The best video clips are here

That Feeling

I think it's kinda funny, pay attention to the lyrics!

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Cookie!

source: http://www.abc.net.au/reslib/200803/r232591_930817.jpg

Somebody Else's Song

Yea, car got stolen, if you haven't hear it by now..

...but that's not what i am pissed about.

As it was 4 years ago, when i was robbed in broad daylight in almost the same area, i couldn't spend effort to be angry and curse the wrongdoers to death. Maybe it's because i know nothing could be done to change the situation, it can only be improved upon.

Anyway, what i am pissed about is the "victims".

Yea, just because you went through a bad horrible day does not mean you have the right to be an ass.

Yea, your problem is the most salient, and it's big because they are your problem, but damn, keep it inside and stop pointing it to the whole world (maybe a while is ok, but not to the point of being a total jerk and asshole!)

To illustrate my point:

So i was at the doorstep of a police investigator waiting for my turn to see the sergeant, up came a couple and a elderly woman.

From a brief conversation exchanged between the elderly woman and my pop, found out she is christian (yea, WHAT ARE THE ODDS?)

So, the elderly woman was alright, minor complains and concerns because her house was broken into.

My piss was directed to the couple, the elderly woman's daughter and her bf.

First off, they have no sense of time. OK situation: Sergeant has another investigation on going in his office, and we have no idea what it was, obviously. Ok back to bitching or conveying my thoughts (HAHA):

SO this couple, barely came in ten minutes, sat down on a nice sofa, complaint that "WTF!" is the sergeant doing inside the office, and that they waited half an hour.

Then they found out there was a girl inside talking 'cause they rudely knocked on the door to ask how long they have to wait.

Then after a while, they said they waited for an hour, it was barely half an hour! Their timezone probably was in the "You're a retard" zone.

Still bearable, i was just waiting.

Then they were speculating just what was going on in the office, then they complaint about having to go to this police station rather than the one in KJ, 'cause they reported it there while staying in the same area as me.

This started to annoy me, first off, you don't know even know whose jurisdiction you are in, and you simply scolding the police for being inefficient? Dude, if you only took more time to CARE about YOUR RIGHTS and have more COMMON SENSE, you'd know where to report, so don't complain you dick.

So yea, so its ya own fault you had to come here, now you complain about police being efficient cause they wanna HELP you INVESTIGATE and PREVENT it from happening again, so yea, it's soooooooo their fault for asking you to go see a sergeant so he can get details and send people to take pictures of your house and probably improve your area's (which is also my area) security, it's their fault you cannot go home early, it's their fault you cannot go clean up your house so that investigations can be carried out.

Alright, so that one not as bad, what is worse than that? Well i don't know, let's see..

YOU BOTH SPECULATE THE SERGEANT IS WASTING TIME FLIRTING!

That's right, a sergeant being a sergeant and his job to interview victims to carry out investigations, does not have the right to talk to a woman in his office which was quite opened, to interview her, yeap, it's so much easier to say he is flirting and wasting our taxpayer's money, i'm so glad you both as a couple are like "angels" sent from above, so pure, so holy, so pharisee-like!

You gotta be a dimwit so sink that low to speculate such thing, oh no, you didn't stop there, you played the race card, used foul language, showed temper, oh oh, the best part? When the sergeant finally did came out, and was so damn polite and apologetic, you have the nerves to say "sudah tunggu lama la!"

I was about to slap you left and right cause bible told you so to let me.

But then again, maybe you both weren't christians...

so when the couple left, i asked the elderly woman if her whole family was christian, she pointed out the couple was christians (well one being a catholic) and she kept stressing the point she had to go to church the next day.

Great, she mentioned what sins she committed to have her house broken into, my cue to step in, i told her it wasn't her sins that got her into this situation, but as she and the couple sat down there for barely 20 minutes, they already committed far more sins than they should in that short span of time.

I told her to tell them off, as expected, she looked down, avoided my gaze and pretended nothing happened.

By the way, the police are quite a good bunch, maybe not all, but there are, stop stigmatizing, because you stigmatize, people are less inclined to join the force, therefore sometimes making them short of staff, in return work are slower, making you wait longer, making you complain and label them again, and the whole cycle starts again, there, next time? SHUT UP, oh yea, one final thing, you complained this country going down in ruins, yea, guess who is not helping? YOU! You played the race card, you complain but didn't offer solutions, you didn't empathize, you just have a mouth which spills out rubbish, maybe you are bringing this country to ruin, have you thought about that before you speak? Victim? I laugh in ya face

Oh well, at least i got it off my chest, yea, you may noticed i shoulda noticed the log in my own eyes right?

Yea, there, one sin for me and counting.