Linger

In the silent of the night

You took off in your flight

To achieve your dreams

Let joy now be your theme

Nothing is quite at it seems

Nothing is as what it means

One day a man will leave his home

In this world to establish his throne

The mountain and the seas

The sunsets and the trees

The moon and the stars

The earth and its scars

The man and his wife

The birth of a new life

The death and the sorrow

The uncertainty of tomorrow

The life after earth

The forever and its turf

The end and the origin

The Truth that lies within

The patience and the wait

The things left unsaid

The wants and the needs

The desire within breeds

The broken the pieces

The hits and misses

The fragility of the heart

The end of a start

All.

Once

It was hot, skin was irritated, the weather would have take my life if it could.

But i wasn't complaining.

I wasn't unhappy.

In fact i was so proud of myself.

It would had been a normal Sunday, save that earlier in the week. Received a message in fb; an invitation to a Raya open house from a high school ex classmate (whom i have not seen for a really long time)! My immediate thoughts were "Yea! Rendang! FOOD!"

But as the day drew closer, as always, i will be reluctant to go, because i know i will be tired and Sunday is before Monday, meaning i rather stay home and chill than to go someplace i'm not too sure about, potentially turning into a disaster and the next day have to go to work.

Then i had an interesting conversation with a friend.

I told him i got invited to the house and was lazy to go.
He stopped me right there and reminded me what we've talked about some time back.

=======================

I've never really seen eye to eye with this whole racial thing going on in our country. Sometimes i disagree with Christians who say we must get involved and keep invoking the Christian word.

I don't see how is that going to help. You're a citizen of Malaysia regardless of religion and race.
The more you emphasize the more people are just going to find things to dispute with you.
Case in point: 1Malaysia

People been attacking it, been saying a lot of terrible stuff. Then there are some who advocates it and said it was present since the day Malaysia was born.

But the whole point is, we are here now in this country, talking shit, posting news link on Facebook is not going to help.

I really really disagree with people posting links and notes on Facebook and then comment under it saying how bad our country is.
Even if i do agree, what are you going to do about it? Nothing! You just want to create awareness, fine, but don't speak something malicious or accusatory towards it. You're not helping, you're fueling hatred.
Other than that, you just go about your every day, how is that helping?

We have the luxury of being in another religion and have some form of choice, but they don't. You're born with it, you're stuck with it, that's what is imprinted in their minds since they were infants. We automatically segregate ourselves from them.

Honestly, think about it, how many Malay friends do you have and keep contact with, my guess is most of us don't, me included, if you have good for you.

People fear of the unknown, hence we keep pushing what we feel is "right" in their face without love is just going to make them retreat further into their own world.
Where is the love?

=======================

My friend and i talked about how we should never abandon them.

If there is a chance to reconnect go for it, show them we do care, show them we bleed just like they bleed.

And most of all, they are friends, regardless of everything.

I was then determined to attend the open house despite my own heart's protest.
I checked the message again, asked for the address, find a friend who was going to go with me.
Checked the invite list, i was the only chinese from my own class. How honored i was (well mostly because i am a bit more apparent on fb :p )

And though it was awkward, because i did not have much contact with them since high school, but i did managed to reconnect with a couple of them and at least was there when they cared to ask me to be.

I am not playing the holier-than-thou card.

I am saying action speaks louder than words.

-Happy Malaysia Day-

Everything

The cold air breathes through the sky

Hours from now the sun will be set on high

The small time frame of peace and quietness

Is an asylum for those whose mind is restless

For depths of conversations are explored

And bridges of thoughts often restored

The silence of night brought forth memories

Of which with time it carries

Stripped off the walls of distraction

To eyes revealed now the deception

Of the world filled with lies and fears

In the night it all becomes clear

Silent chuckle as the thought arises

That the still of the night comes with surprises

Friendship built friendship burned

Contrast to the day the world is turned

Night feels like the brightest hour

In day ourselves we often cower

Absence of the burning ball we often find

A true sense of ourselves a true peace of mind

I remember thee a friend in the past

Inhibitions lowered to one another we easily trust

It became more than just a distant memory

It transcended barriers and made history

Imprinted in the drawer of the heart

Locked with the key away I tucked

As the night falls apart

To slumber I go to anticipate a fresh start

"And how can i stand here with you and not be moved by you" 

-Everything-

-Lifehouse-

Boulevard

I think i am like intentionally.

Playing the game when it really isn't.

They all moved on, i should too :\

She moved on. Time for me to stop moping and start coping.

A door closes doesn't mean another will be opened.

Guess gotta find that window of opportunity.

"Just this once, just for now, just like that, it's over." - Belle of the Boulevard, Dashboard Confessionals

Tainted

Recently played in an open mic with good friends and bandmates (We're called Two Wongs Don't Make A Wright) at The Bee, Jaya One.

Nervous, really was shaking. A lot of good performers up there, doing originals, and here we are, doing two covers one original from my frontman. I wasn't prepared, i know i sucked at stage performing.
But we did it. I think we did alright. It wasn't great as the ones before us, and trust me, the ones before us are actually good.

I felt at that moment, something in me lit up. A sense of excitement.

I've been following a friend's tumblr (blog). And he wrote on his experiences in Germany, i am envious of him, i want to be there, the things he do there or find there is what i am looking for.

That new found sense of excitement, it made me believe i can still be something i want to be, do something i want to do for so long.

I know i've been a whiny bitch for the last 20 posts. I blamed it on work, but it really is just me, isn't it?

If i don't like how i live my life right now, let me build my own wings and fly.
Life ain't gonna give me a pair of  wings and whisk me away to a faraway land.
No, that is naive, i want things changed i will have to get my hands dirty.

I want my friends to understand, i will make the effort.

I want to be happy, i have to work for it.

I know i ain't such a good follower of God anymore, but i don't want to lose sight of Him.

This new found excitement, has to be searched everyday, the purpose of living, is not this, this is not the end.
It's just the beginning.

tainted
has our love gone cold
in a place that's bitter and broken
we tasted of a world I know
surely there must be something better
something forever

hello
from the world below
I'm watching the sun burning
as the road is slowly turning
well I know
that in letting go
I'm learning how to live
through a life I have to give

walking
past the city lights
silence can be so disturbing
you'll find me standing in the night
the stars never seem so unending
so unending 

hello
from the world below
while I'm watching the sun burning
as the road is slowly turning
well I know
that in letting go
I'm learning how to live
through a life I have to give

we painted
whitewashed everything
when all that remains are
shadows of the stains
tell me
where did we go wrong
can we just move on

hello
from the world below
while I'm watching the sun burning
as the road is slowly turning
when I know
that in letting go
I'm learning how to live
through a life I have to give

hello
to the world below
while I'm watching the world spinning
this night seems so unending
well I'll follow
to a place I know
that's only the beginning
start over after ending


-The Beginning, Lifehouse-

Cranberries

I just got up from an almost infinite loop of dream.

I kept dreaming i was dreaming and struggled to wake up.

I was in a deep sleep phase.

But i was conscious in my dreams and even in my dreams that i was dreaming that i was dreaming.

It was scary, and the fear of never waking up came across my mind.

I realized, things in the movies such as this not so cool in real life.

Disclaimer

I know whoever my readers are, they will read the post just below this one and then say they know who i am referring to, i will tell you now, it is based on my opinions but not referring to anyone in particular. I hate to have people talking behind my back and accusing me of things that i don't like.

If you feel deeply offended by what i've written, and you would like to argue, maybe take a minute of two to think why were you offended, could it actually be that you are trying to defend yourself?
Think about that, then come confront me, i will gladly hear you out with an open mind. I promise.

Road Taken

It comes to mind the poem "The Road Less Taken" whenever i sit to think what have i done to my own journey.

But it isn't easy to take the road that people travels least on, because we're conditioned to do the popular, to conform. When we think we can easily not conform, we'd find ourselves just being alone, cast away by others.

The feeling of being not included can be quite a bitch sometimes.

But the comfort of it all, is knowing you have friends sticking by you. As we walk in life, most of our friends will drop out from our life, but that does not mean they were wrong or are to be blamed for. It is just they had to go another way which might be parallel to yours but just at a different area.

What i find sad is, that people you've know the longest of time, start to wither away, then when you try to find them, others close to him/her will say "it's a pity". People you expected less of then becomes the torch bearer and light your way.

Sad.

A person who throws away a noble decision and calling for the exchange of monetary glory is despised by me.

Call it what you want. When a person ditches a long time vision for the sake of man made paper, you lose all forms of respect from me. Go ahead, justify, i bet i can do better by presenting to you hard facts to tell you why i  disagree.

The worst of them all, is those you think are walking with you, and they are, but there is no conversation going on, just the usual "hi" and "bye", the occasional meet ups to acknowledged that you are still friends with another, and to throw in a couple of deep insights to maintain "closeness" yet to be distanced from one another.

The one that breaks your heart, that makes you feel like you rather be in hell, the one that should have been there for you but did not, should have listened but offered a deaf ear, the one that will say "You have changed" but never took time to understand.

The one that is capable of breaking you down.

The one that kills you with their silence.

Those are the ones... the ones that should stop quoting God and say they believe in Him when the people around them suffers in agony but was turned away.

You, my friend, should really think of what you've done to everyone with your non-doings. 

A lethal weapon.

I am tired.

Mean Green

I am unstoppable.

I will not be stopped.

I will move on.

Breaking through.