Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Walking On Twos


Seems like such a big number but yet didn't come far from whence we started off.

I never want to leave.

I get all worked up when i hear people just condemning the country but not lifting a finger to do anything.
How are we any different from the pharisees?
Or the Big Brother from the Prodigal Son? Someone told me that back in those days, the big brother is responsible for the younger siblings, when the prodigal son took off, the big brother just stood and watched, while trying to please the father to get the inheritance and favor.

It is easy to sit aside and do nothing, but to do something, though painful and will be hated for, might be worth something.

When young people want to migrate and say this country is hopeless, i would argue to death about why i disagree.
I just don't understand.

My body wants to leave this country to see places, but my heart will alway remain here, where it belongs, where God puts it.

If i truly love my God, i would stay in this country unless told otherwise.

Though it saddens me to see how this nation has derailed since independence, but sincerely,

Happy Merdeka Day.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010


Good friends are hard to come by
Good friends who stand by you are harder to come by
But the rarest of them all
Are friends who can be raw and says "you're the friend who will never say such things to me"

Thank you.

Sunday, August 22, 2010


After such a long time, i finally had a dream about you, and it was pleasant, it would have seemed to be that life rewound itself, and i found myself once again in your company, laughing, watching you smile, and making you laugh.

The feeling of being invincible, that life was at my grasps, as i wielded it as if i have total control over it.

The long ride have no end, the wind in my face, the rain washing away what i call my old self, i was happy, young, vibrant, hopeful, ever joyful.

The feeling of holding your hands the first time, as if it happened just last night, the thought of knowing how much you went just so we could meet, the gaze i want to have upon you just so i can start and end my day with a smile, the teasing of one another, the act of childishness.

All, bundled up in a 2 hour sleep.

Until i woke up, until i remembered you were gone.

I was left here.

Shattered, broken, afraid to love anymore, afraid of doing anything remotely exciting.

Mundane was me, with a heavy heart i bid thee farewell in silence, for you would never hear it, nor would you ever read it.

I sat alone, in my room, on my bed, drowning in my own thoughts and wants to call you, to hear you again, but nothing has changed.

A peaceful Sunday, it ends.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Waiting Room

"Live Together, Die Alone"
A saying brought to my attention by Lost.

No matter how much a person say they want to live alone, i believe it is hard to stay absolutely alone, at some point we always want company.

That begs me to question: Why are some people good and some are bad at it?

Those who aren't well verse in the arts of making friends or maintaining them has been driven to loneliness, depression and other activities that may suck their life away.

As humans, we are bastards as well, we want company but we want to choose our company, and that's why a whole lot of people are just simply - alone.

I used to think that i should lay it all out there in front me, and whoever can accept me for just who i am and i for who they are, then we would be friends, but i find that a lot of people just don't want to see other people's true self, we're so quick to label "emo", "weird", "desperate" on those who just want to be themselves.

So easy to look upon someone who dresses oddly and say "hey look at 'im, he probably wants attention, that poor asshole"
But what if he just really likes to be that way?

I find it hard, i admit we need to at least filter, but when i lay it all out there, there are a lot of rejections, and when i confront them, they just shrug it away saying i am sensitive or that it's all in my head and ask me to stop being whatever i was.

Point made.

In the working world, yea, i want to be all awesome and cool, but the fact is i'm tired (not always) and sometimes i just look miserable, the whole eczema thing isn't helping either.

It just seems harder to get on these days, what with my plans is indefinitely on hold, i can't figure out who to be when i'm out there, whenever i am down, the only thing people can say "Jesus loves you" and stuff.

Well, i know Jesus loves me, the only reason i am still like that is because i still have hope in Jesus.

But please, stop pushing Jesus into my face as if HE is yours to give.

Live Together, Die Alone.

When i find that someone to live with, i think dying is not such a scary thought after all.

"They all believe there's someone watching over you
They're watching every single thing you say
And when you die 
They'll set you down and take you through
They'll realise one day
That the grass is always greener on the other side
The neighbour's got a new car that you wanna drive
And when time is running out you wanna stay alive
We all live under the same sky
We all will live, we all will die
There is no wrong, there is no right
The circle only has one side
We all try hard to live our lives in harmony
For fear of falling swiftly overboard
But life is both a major and minor key
Just open up the chord
But the grass is always greener on the other side
The neighbour's got a new car that you wanna drive
And when time is running out you wanna stay alive
We all live under the same sky
We all will live, we all will die
There is no wrong, there is no right
The circle only has one side"
- Travis, Side-

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Tri Lights

The person in the mirror never talks back
Never looks at you any different than how you view your self.
But the person in the mirror does show you who you are.
And that, is sometimes the scariest thing to see.

The winds
They sweep through the lands
but never stay
Never stop to chatter

Life is but a thread
Vulnerable, easily disposed of
If i'm not your bitch
then you are mine.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Black Eye That Speaks

It was a sweet escape.

Somewhere far, somewhere isolated, somewhere where i can be me.

Good company helps too.

Myanmar, a place of oddity and poverty at the same time. This is one trip that might be hard to forget.
It's not the part where the military controlled the country, or the fact that people there seemed to be so chilled or even the fact that it's full of history and colonial buildings that resembles the past and stood once in glory but now a rotting relic.

It's just a trip that once you put behind things like responsibilities, obligations and selfish ambitions, you see everyone as they are.

Old eyes, patched faces, children on the street begging, cut off from most of the world, barely surviving.

I don't feel pity or sorry for them, no, why would i? Rather, this is their life, and though we would think they may be unhappy, they could have more, but maybe they are just happy.


Benches along the lake all occupied, lovers cuddle openly with an umbrella as a form of privacy statement, street football.

It is funny the world is physically huge but it is small at the same time.

I miss.

"So far away from where you are
These miles have torn us worlds apart
And I miss you, yeah I miss you

So far away from where you are
I’m standing underneath the stars
And I wish you were here

I miss the years that were erased
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things
I never thought that they’d mean everything to me
Yeah I miss you
And I wish you were here

I feel the beating of your heart
I see the shadows of your face
Just know that wherever you are
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here"

Thursday, August 05, 2010

Poppy Cock

It's August
Yes Captain Obvious
Why won't it rain?

It's hard to find a decent conversation to invest in. I had it a few nights back.

Who knew one incident could lead to so much happenings? Who knew that the mask i put on would be misleading? Who fucking knew?

(insert LOL)

I find it hard to be in the corporate sector, hard to adapt, i wasn't well at adapting anyway, feel like hard to connect with people.
We end up talking the same shit, day after day, how sucky our day was, how bad the job is.
We make no improvements.

Come, challenge me into a debate, a fist fight, my thanatos instinct is kicked into high drive mode.

The point is, no one truly just want to talk, or listen.

We all like noise, we make loads of them, but never words, words that means something.

When we do get into something meaningful, people are easily agitated, no one wants to sit and converse, it always has to be my way or the highway.

I miss my talking buddies, over the years,some just left, some thinks i've changed, some just have focus somewhere.

Hey, what's up?
You're here
That's cool