Sunday, October 31, 2010


The breeze paid a visit during dinner earlier today, it brought back a not so distant memory of a place where time seems to be still, a land in the world of its own, where worries of the world is far away.

The breeze that lifted all burdens from the shoulder just for that one moment.

A cold bottle of beer, good company and the sand accompanying your feet.

Unnecessary fire fighting to be the brightest with the full moon. The sound of serenity filled the air.

I have a newfound love. My secret mistress. That awakened pleasure.

A man who does not work shall not eat.

Those words rang true.If it weren't for the work and experience of the year, i don't think i would have came this far.

A good friend told me the time shall come, and i trust her.

I will wait.

Life may not be like the movies, but it sure is hell not going to stop me from using my imagination to run it.

Tonight, the wind carried a message
A long lost scribbles, a torn book page
To free myself from this cage
To be my very own sage

Saturday, October 30, 2010


It takes a whole lot of courage to deal with changes; death, marriage, birth, break ups etc.

It also takes a whole lot of courage to remain the same. Same life, same mindset, same expectations.

That's where you'll see a gap between change and staying the same. What is between that gap is choice.

And i choose to make that choice to change.

It is only logical, to change that is, to make a leap forward.

On one hand, remaining the same is to be consistent and stable, on the other, to admit defeat and just live life without trying to be different.

It's a double sided coin situation. You are what you think.

I want to believe my actions makes a difference.

That the hand that could cause so much destruction can be used to love.

The mouth to curse to be used to encourage.

The feet that trudge through blood to help move someone to another place.

The eyes that sins to be used to admire the beautiful creations of the world.

In all the fires all the rain
The wailing of the martyred Saints
The emotional baggages on our train
It's the smile that carries us through our pain

Monday, October 18, 2010

On a different note

... i do want to love. Fear grips me.

"The end of fear is where love begins" - Goo Goo Dolls.

Paper Planes

This week was a handful.

Went for report presentation which said report was written by me.

Presented to client by director.

I was contented, i could see my hard work paying off.

I was happy, i could do this forever.

Life seems to be taking a turn, maybe working here isn't such a bad thing after all.

It's a lie.


I thought about it long and hard. To really comprehend what was going on, i took couple hours to think about it.
And i am not sure why i treasure the human interaction so much, it affects me. I had to leave for band practice, but i felt myself striving hard to pry myself away from my office because i wanted to stay to talk.

It didn't make any sense.


It was good, we played our best tonight for a talent search competition.

Though the weather kept me weak in my head, but the sense of achievement (however significant or not) kept me going on. Made a couple of new friends.

Secretly i hope we make it to the finals, realistically i don't think i am there yet to even play at the finals.


Watched a movie.

I love the creativity used in the movie.
It struck me midway, i want to do stuff like this.

I cannot, i am not happy at work, not the job, not the people, generally just being useless, doing things that don't seem to have any real contribution.

How could i be blinded by pseudo achievements? Writing a report to help someone sell more products, what good would that do?

Writing music, hiking mountains, writing a play a movie, sipping coffee in an unknown town.
That's what makes me want to live.


Shit. You're right, people have been telling me i need money for all those stuff. I should focus on making myself financially free, stable, i should invest my life in 3-5 years of hardwork of some program that could make me set for life.

I am tempted, i am persuaded.

But i can't help to think that isn't that the same as working?

Someone told me it's working 10 hours a week for 3 years compared to 9-5 job for 30 years.
But no thanks.

I feel the need for something more.

If i die not doing that. Then yea, fuck my life.

But i will die trying.

For now, i keep myself going by seeing my nephew growing up, happy i have a roof over my head, a bed to sleep in, good friends to keep me going on, and a dream that will never die.

You ask me if i a happy?
Yes i am.

"I'm a dreamer, but i'm not the only one" - John Lennon

Sunday, October 03, 2010


As i watched there all the kids with their parents, i think that there is hope for the nation.
The past weekend i spent a lot of time with myself, then i spent some time trying to understand other people, and i just got more confused in the end.
The lushes of green, the oceans waves hitting the rocks and making a thunderous sound, the smell of salt carried by the winds, i think i could die happy there.
Everywhere i look, every small thing reminds me of you, but, the truth is, it just a chapter i wish to burn.
i wrote poems for you, sing songs for you, make a fool of myself for you, only to have other reap the harvest
It's like a comedian, making people happy, but who knows if he is the one that wants to be happy?
I'd fly a plane just to reach to you.

fly the ocean in a silver plane 
see the jungle when it's wet with rain 
just remember till you're home again -
you belong to me 
You belong to me cover, Jason Wade