Friday, February 25, 2011

Got enough cheese? Yes, and you too.

From the first sight of you
My heart was captured
Thought you were cool
The loneliness been murdered

When i spoke first to you
I choked at my words
Looking like a fool
My heart shrunk from a size to a third

Constantly noticing you
Constantly trying to get noticed
Ring of fire i'll jump through
Just to steal one kiss

Think you and i aren't meant to be
First i'm not type
Second am not a looker nothing to see
Now from you i want to hide

So back to sitting here doing nothing
Staring at you hoping for nothing
My heart now just became nothing
As my life returns to nothing.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Only In

The noise.

But they are good noise.

When i need an escape, i turn to sleep. To dreams.

Some days, i believe my dream was a real memory, on one hand it means i'm close to going nuts, on the other hand, well, there is no other hand.

But vivid dreams are the ones that makes me wake up stunned.

They sometimes remind me of someone i've not seen for a long time, and i contact them when i wake up.

Sometimes it comes up as some scene that would never happened in real life.

But what it never shows is the future.

Which was kind of a bummer.


The dream i appreciate most, is to have the ability to fly.

Escapism, flying, wonder if they are correlated positively?

Friday, February 18, 2011

Ode To The Family

A Short Story:

Tom drew a lighter from his pocket, his hands were shaking due to nervousness as he lit the cigarette stick that was protruding out of his mouth. As he took a few puffs and blew the smoke out casually, he wonders what would his parents think of this - smoking.

His parents would not approve. But yet, if found out, probably will dish out just a few stern warnings and that was it. So Tom continued smoking; it calms him down.

Where he was standing, it overlooked the entire town, small little droplets of rain water fell on his face, cold air stings his body. But he stood there, the cigarette stick now a third of its original length. It seems strange, as the cold was crimson red, and the people walking from afar seem to be faceless.

But he thought nothing of it.

For that moment, the world seem to be at peace. For that one moment, life is great for Tom.


Didn't realize he was now at a bridge, a bridge where it was built over a river flowing with what it seems to be like strings, millions of strings, pretending to be river water.

A girl.

Jessica. Appears. Tom takes a good look at her and concludes she is her lover.


For all the things he could do, Tom wouldn't trade this moment with her for anything else, not even to turn back time.

A leap.

Tom was plunging towards the river, while Jessica sobs and cries out his name.

The connection they have, now gone, as Tom is engulfed by the strings, still pretending to be river water.


Tom wakes up, thinking it's not a dream, but a memory of 50 years ago.


His bed he lies. Tom looks out the window, the clouds is dark and arguing with one another. One cloud started crying.

Tom sighs.

That one moment.

That one.


Friday, February 11, 2011

I feel


If i can't trust anyone, who do i have left?

Let me trust You again.

Saturday, February 05, 2011


As the eve of chinese new year was before us.

3 of us sat around the small rectangular table, a platter of food fit for ten people was laid before us.

As mother was saying grace. I took a quick glance and noticed how much my parents aged.

One became frail and wrinkled, another worn out and slowed.

Myself, grown up.

How things have changed.

The dinner did not last long, the reunion was short lived, soon left just both mother and I, talking away about how good the food was.

Mother took it upon herself to clean everything up, and all i could do was thank her and watched as she packs things one by one away, returning to the life before the reunion dinner.

Her worn out eyes has seen a lot in life, and yet, a lot of things in life eludes her.

The bigger things she longs to enjoy may not come to her in this life, so she is happy with the little things - movies to watch, presence of grandson, the chatter among family members, gardening and current time gadgets that sometimes are beyond her comprehension.

This is the life of mother, a woman who had ambitious dreams when she graduated from high school, who found disappointment when her conservative mother forbade her to further her studies overseas in fear of her never returning to her homeland.

A woman who could have been successful in every aspect of life, unwillingly remained behind, working jobs after jobs, until she was married.

Bore two child, raised them up almost singlehandedly as her husband strove outside to make ends meet.

In a blink of an eye, 27 years has passed since then. Still trying to stretch the dollar. Still raising her kids even though they had already grown up.

The money she saved always ends up for the family, all those longing for travelling seems to disappear as time goes by.

Who knows how long will this continue? Who is to say that the mold cannot be broken?

A few things came across my mind: is she happy? Could at any point did she wish she could turn back time and start over?

As the clock struck midnight, subtly indicating the new year has dawn upon us, she opened the wooden door to my room, as i was holding my guitar, sitting on my bed, i noticed her eyes again, the little satisfaction that she was still able to give me a red packet, containing money which i do not need from her anymore. Money that i was supposed to give her and not take. She lied. She said that the two red packets are from her and father. But i know that the money was from her, and she is preserving what is left of a tradition which she is so accustomed to. I smiled and accepted, knowing that refusal would mean disrespect.

Thus begins a new year, a chinese one at that.

I kept the red packets aside, knowing that i will probably not use it.

What used to be a source of money for the new year has now been relegated to be a symbolic gesture, one that so few understand about.

This year, i am glad that it is unlike any other chinese new year.