This Period of Time

It always comes down to this period of time, where you truly sit down and think things through.

Always at one point or another, i'd think i'm doing alright, just waiting patiently to get there, waiting for my time to come, and that all i have been doing up to that point was needed in order to get to where i wanted to be.

I think it's an innate ability of any human to deceive themselves that they are justified in what they are doing.

It is a good and bad thing.

No real right or wrong.

I could sleep for hours upon hours, and yet still be tired.
Or even busy myself day after day and still feeling aimless.
I could dream of things beyond things yet still feel grounded.
And live a life that is utterly and disappointingly pointless.

I could walk and traverse this world yet be back where i once stood.
I could fly on wings of the eagle but still be stagnant and unmoved.
Wade through rivers and walk through deserts all that i could.
But end up disbelieving in all and be unloved.

How do i continuously deceive my own heart?
So that i can make it to the end of my being?
Not thinking of life's broken pieces and shards.
Not wondering about anything at all; continue deceiving.

I write and write for pages so long.
I speak and speak in poems and song.
I talk and talk to people and more.
But still feel the emptiness' sore.

I breathe.
I live.
I love.
I die.

I am me.

Man Up

People will have a lot of things to say about a lot of things, the thing is, we must filter and decide for ourselves what is right.

I've been unleashed to the working world close to 2 years now, and as previous post stated, ideals and dreams can fade.

Our mind contradicts, we think we have to work in a dead end job to provide but in return life has no meaning; we want life to have meaning but we think we can't end up with a dead end job, but we can fuse both - have a job and a meaningful life.

The problem with human cognition is that we always rationalize, not a bad thing to do but always doing it can stifle us. The other problem is that we always pre-planned our time. It's like using a credit card, we use future money to make ourselves feel good now.

The danger here is that we'll never know where the future money is coming from to pay it off. We could leave it to our future selves to figure it out, but that's just being a douche to your future self. Same with using time, we always plan to do things in the future, but when it comes we just postpone it or just say we can't do it.

That's a load of turd.

We move now, we make our own chances. No future is built by planning in the future, we should plan now for the future, not just dreaming of hypothetical futures to soothe our lack of self fulfillment now. If that is the case, no house will ever be built. We lay down the bricks to have a home, we start a revolution now to make sure we get to where we want to be.

Complacency will kill our dreams; "I will work now and travel later" - It's logical, it's rational, it seems like the right thing to do, but when the time comes, are we going to compromise and maybe skim off some of the plans and postpone it?

I may not make sense, but one thing i'm sure, we want it, we do it.