Monday, October 18, 2010

Paper Planes

This week was a handful.

Went for report presentation which said report was written by me.

Presented to client by director.

I was contented, i could see my hard work paying off.

I was happy, i could do this forever.

Life seems to be taking a turn, maybe working here isn't such a bad thing after all.

It's a lie.

---

I thought about it long and hard. To really comprehend what was going on, i took couple hours to think about it.
And i am not sure why i treasure the human interaction so much, it affects me. I had to leave for band practice, but i felt myself striving hard to pry myself away from my office because i wanted to stay to talk.

It didn't make any sense.

---

It was good, we played our best tonight for a talent search competition.

Though the weather kept me weak in my head, but the sense of achievement (however significant or not) kept me going on. Made a couple of new friends.

Secretly i hope we make it to the finals, realistically i don't think i am there yet to even play at the finals.

---

Watched a movie.

I love the creativity used in the movie.
It struck me midway, i want to do stuff like this.

I cannot, i am not happy at work, not the job, not the people, generally just being useless, doing things that don't seem to have any real contribution.

How could i be blinded by pseudo achievements? Writing a report to help someone sell more products, what good would that do?

Writing music, hiking mountains, writing a play a movie, sipping coffee in an unknown town.
That's what makes me want to live.

Money.

Shit. You're right, people have been telling me i need money for all those stuff. I should focus on making myself financially free, stable, i should invest my life in 3-5 years of hardwork of some program that could make me set for life.

I am tempted, i am persuaded.

But i can't help to think that isn't that the same as working?

Someone told me it's working 10 hours a week for 3 years compared to 9-5 job for 30 years.
Agreed.
But no thanks.

I feel the need for something more.

If i die not doing that. Then yea, fuck my life.

But i will die trying.

For now, i keep myself going by seeing my nephew growing up, happy i have a roof over my head, a bed to sleep in, good friends to keep me going on, and a dream that will never die.

You ask me if i a happy?
Yes i am.

"I'm a dreamer, but i'm not the only one" - John Lennon



2 comments:

MF said...

u can achieve the "hiking mountains" part first. *ahem* ;)

h0cmun said...

"Writing music, hiking mountains, writing a play a movie, sipping coffee in an unknown town.
That's what makes me want to live."

Would you agree, that you need more TIME to do what you want?
It's not the money that will give you these, it's the TIME that you need to do those stuff...
How often you're tired and jaded after long hours of work, then come weekends you just want to relax and chill with friends and not think about work..so, where does your time for writing music and play comes from?

Do you think if you have "money" or so to say "financially free", you would have more TIME?

come on, life is not just about money. Doing things that we want requires more TIME than money..
see the importance? We are investing 3 years for 30 years!