Sally

I like Christmas at the core.

People say giving is truly receiving, i beg to differ.

Receiving is a validation of existence and appreciation by a lot of people.

That being said, in this world, there are a lot of people who are lacking in validation.

Easy to say we don't need validation, but to some extent we do.

So to those who have been kind to me.

Thanks. Appreciate it. Merry Christmas

Trickle

It's like no one thinks anymore.

Everyone became just a side taker.

An opinion is form, another against it.

Each side will have its supporters, but not critical thinkers, just follow what is right to them.

Idiots.

But we need people like this, too much thinkers and nothing gets done. Too many followers and we'll have a mess.

That is life, balance.

But there isn't one is there?

This world is full of shit you read in newspapers. So full of crap you just want to wish it away.

But to survive doesn't mean to compromise or betray yourself.

To survive is to know your priorities.

To live is to learn.

Flashes

I accidentally opened a folder

Saw a set of pictures

The past weight appeared on my shoulders

The flash of my life featured

I saw what happened 3 years ago

How i ended up here

The worst of the reflection shows

The hideous part of my fears

Bury the hands that touched you

Bury the legs that walked with you

Sew the lips that spoke words to you

Blind the eyes that belongs to a fool

Leave the dead alone

Throw away the keys

Your sins i will not atone

Whispered the withered trees

I've clicked the red box with the X

Shut away the past

Refrain from giving you a text

The emotions away i thrust

If you shall chance upon this

Know that I've shed enough tears

After all, at the very least

Know that you have the best of my years.

Star Bright

Some of the years during Christmas, we'd put up a tree, a fake one, but nevertheless a tree, we'll decorate it with cheap flickering LED lights. Put a star on the top. Presents below.

It was like in the story books, or those you see in the television.

Sometimes i would just sit in the living room staring at it, thinking it's all good. Life was good.

It wasn't a family tradition, it's not every year we have a tree, could be we forgot about it, or we don't care enough to put it, or simply no money.

Life was alright, with or without the tree.

This year, i came back home two days ago, and saw this mini Christmas tree my family has put up, with lights and small present. All of it sitting on top of a coffee table.

But something isn't right, or wasn't normal.

Life.

We've changed. Time has not been so merciful upon us after all. What a pity.

Pity indeed.

It used to be the world was safe, i could run back to my mom and everything will be normal.
Didn't care where money came from. Didn't care if there was going to be a celebration.

Just like to be home, in my cozy room.

But now, work beckons, we've got extra family members, the need to be out with others to enjoy so to not to waste a good weekend.

It seems to have been reversed.

My aging parents are now older, more fragile, less energetic, retired.
While i am taking over the role to help provide for the money.
The world is more hostile than before.
Dreams slowly fading with the passing of time.

The tree seems smaller now, the room not as cozy as before.

Used to be innocent carols, laughter and food.

Now cynical, manipulative and silly.

The friends i once knew disapproved of the changes.

The other friends i know became another entity.

All that really left is still this tree.
And sadly, i've realized how much i've distanced myself from everything everyone. Living in a shell pretending to know where i am going or what i am doing, but all i really am, is shit scared inside.

I should put out my share and put some presents under the tree.

I sat there watching these lights,

Thinking, pondering, contemplating, sighing,

I came upon a conclusion,

I am still but a child.

Divine Disappointment

I don't know why i am still thinking about God.

Thought i had put that behind me.

But i didn't.

And that's the problem, you're torn in between living a life you want and trying to reconcile with the one you think God wants for you.

So far, it's pretty good living like you couldn't care less about God. And you resent Christians who try to be preachy.
There is a guy who mistreated up till early this year, who has the nerves to come up to me and preach me, via book face, or whatever!

Who the hell is he to preach to me about God when all i did was trying to be nice to him and he treated me like i was a leper (granted, friends do refer to me as a leper)??

The frustration.

In the end of this blogpost, i do think God is necessary, even if atheist or others think that it is a figure so we can have hope.

I digress... right about now.

Waves

I fell sick today.

Fever and what not.

Felt like crap.

Slept the whole day.

Missed out on paid activities.

In my sleep, i have weird dreams. But one recurring one is always a group of friends keep abandoning me.

You can say i have abandonment issues.

Or you can say i am turning into a super villain.

I can exact my revenge on people who've wronged me.

I could.

But i probably wouldn't.

We're all messed up in some ways.

I rather use and incorporate into a comedy routine.

Christmas is near.

A friend said "don't you feel it? end of the year you just wanna have a girl friend and spend christmas with"

i said "no"

Unicycle

Don't you know the sun it's shining for you

the earth is turning just as you do

my heart will always be for you everlong

the steps you take the flowers it will follow

the words you say to the heart it pierces through

the gaze you gave is engrave deep within in me

deep within in me

so i surely will be there 

forever where you are

wish upon a star

that we will go far