Of Ideologies, Peace and State

Muse - Uprising

Week 4 into my semester, still feeling like it haven't started, mostly i think because it's the final sem syndrome, and also all assignments are group work, so if everyone don't move, i don't move, haha! Life of a student :)

It's like,

this,

a thought,

simple,

yet,

puzzling,

mystifying,

contemplative,

manipulative.

Haven't had much time to myself lately, haven't pick up the guitar in awhile, haven't been much gaming solo, i don't know why, i like being out, but it doesn't mean i feel fulfilled.

I just saw a bunch of photos of my baby nephew, and i am not even in it!

So sad, i spent so little time with him? Cannot!

I need to show him that his uncle is the most awesomest person in the world!

I still got time, his hypothalamus not fully developed yet! When the time comes to solidify memories, i'll be there!

It's not you, wait, it totally is!

"I find your lack of faith disturbing." -Darth Vader

Star wars is cool, Episode 4, 5 and 6 only.

Anyway, i find my lack of faith disturbing, or is it liberty?

A lot would say "have eternity in mind!" but what is eternity?

Some take the Christian faith too literal.

A friend told me that by 30 he'd wanna either be pursuing a PhD or end up in some god forsaken country doing some mission work, and hey, i'd say it's a good plan, but he told me that his church leader told him that it's too extreme and that maybe God wants him to find a middle ground.

That really pissed me off!

Why is it extreme? Who are you to use God's name in vain and dispense stupid advice to people?

This kind of people are the ones that should be condemned.

If "true" freedom is found in Christ, then how come so many are trapped in a metaphorical prison?

That's the problem, or one of the many problems, church leaders would say be united for the purpose of God and stuff, but all they keep doing is direct us to be brainless slave, to strive to keep us in a building, to make us work, make us do all things, without consideration of the fact that we are humans with some sort of FREEDOM.

Disagree? Yea, all of you probably disagree.

I say i wanna be a missionary, you people ask me to think thoroughly and go do something else first.

Then i said i wanna venture into the corporate world and work up the ladder, you people question me using God's name and asking if that is what God really wants of me.

Tell me, are you Elijah? Are you John the Baptist? Are you even the least in the kingdom of God? Who are you to say such things so loosely that can have detrimental effects on people?

Oh trust me, i still believe in God, i still proclaim i am Christian, and yes, you're right, now the you can put it against me the question, who am i to tell you any of this? For one, and the most obvious, this is my blog, i have rights to say things, 2nd, at least i have the balls to question such things, 3rd, i've witnessed too many fellow Christians being trapped into such thinking that their maximum potential is not realized.

In biblical accounts, most of the prophets died horribly, and they did things that are against conventional movements. So how did us Christians became this way?

I admit, i go to church, but not embracing, i believe but disappointed, i trust God but not His people, i smile but deprived inside.

If truly wanna break free, stop hanging out with Christians all the time.

I will end this entry with a loosely paraphrased quote from a friend, he said that Christians always plan their retreats and camps on long weekends such as this weekend's Raya celebration, then where comes the opportunity to be a friend to other people of different faith if any of them wanna invite us to their open house or celebrate together?

In that sense, we already..

Fail.

Breaking the Habit

Lack of sleep leads to blurriness leads to throbbing headache leads to me winning one round of street fighter leads to dehydration leads to me winning a few rounds of card game.

Can't sleep properly these few days, not sure why, maybe its because i had to wake up early, ah, cannot be, anyway, it affects my day, i enjoy the day, just that my surroundings becomes too fast for my eye to catch up, so it's like a contradicting outward experience: on one hand i enjyoing my time, on the other, i don't look it. Bah, details details.

I should just learn to really like coffee, then at least can be more awake during the day.

Same old cycle: semester started, but haven't even look at anything yet, already the 3rd week and i have no idea what to do or what i am studying. Unhealthy, but its a mechanism to cope!

Raya is coming, is there anyone who is opening their house? I am quite freeeeeee to accept any given invitation.

Unfortunately, i have production practices to attend from now till October, even raya holidays isn't off the hook for me. Hmm.

I never thought it happen so early, but am i having a not-even-close-to-quarter-life crisis?

On a brighter note, its mooncake season time.

Courtesy of HocMun

Over and over

Just got back from CG not too long ago.

Today's topic, the dreaded BGR stuff, but leaning towards marriage more la

being a christian, been bombarded with the same topic same vewrses same argument over and over for so many years, so you'd understand why i was kinda "whatever" during the entry of this post.

First we were asked to list down top 10 important criteria for our future spouse, i can tell you what it used to be my answer, but now, my answer changed, caving in to pressure of time, i wrote down stuff like funny, guy mentality, tall, non-clingy, pretty to me etc etc

Obviously, i suppose to write down "same belief system" or "christian"

I guess i don't see it that way as much anymore, not because of any thing, but because nowadays, just so hard to define anything black and white, to me that is.

Someone did bet i would in the end marry a good christian girl, i wouldn't say its very far fetched, but i wouldn't say its definite either.

Problem is, and i concur with another friend, that two person who truly loves each other deserve to be together.

Anyway, i don't have money, or any securities i can offer to anyone right now, some girls do look for that, and i don't wanna see myself striving to fulfill any of that, because life so short, if you don't want to be together just because, then forget it la.

As of now, i may change my mind later though unlikely, i'd tell a girl, and i loosely use Peter's word from the Book of Acts:

"Silver and gold i have none, but whatever i have, i will give to you."

That Guy

Sad, always emo, attention seeking, self-indulging, ignorant, create trouble to make own life more drama.

Verdict: Don't wanna be that guy.

Smart, weird, cannot crack appropriate jokes, too heavily opinionated and single track mind.

Verdict: Don't wanna be that guy.

Smart, Pleasant looking, always have a smile on the face, neutral, selamba, cincai, willing to help, too straight face.

Verdict: Meh, still don't wanna be that guy.

Tall, musically inclined, emo, lovable, family man.

Verdict: Nope, don't wanna be that guy.

Tons of friends, everywhere also is successful, can sing, can play musical instruments, athletic, can cook, godly.

Verdict: Whoa, totally don't wanna be that guy.

Gayish, tons of girl friends but no real girlfriend, idiotic, but a prick.

Verdict: nope, don't wanna be that guy.

Player, tons of girlfriends, and girl friends, and male friends, smart, jack of all trades and jackass.

Verdict: Boring, don't wanna be that guy.

So which guy in the end?

Meh, who knows.

Snicket

My mom calls this year a series of unfortunate events (no pun intended, ok maybe intended)

As those who knows, not that this year has been great for the family, still surviving with whatever we have, and its not that easy to take us down, still not as fun being in the midst of troubles and dilemmas.

This year, many trips to the hospital have we been making, you have my sister going hospital for birth and operation, and now my mom been once to it and the clinic just minutes ago for some sort of food poisoning which oddly, none of us have and not to say she took any food that we did not partake as well, a cause of worry? Maybe, but as of yet, still surviving.

Semester begins this week, officially, and i have no idea how to schedule my classes properly because i have two non-psych first year electives to take, also meaning that the other depts might clash with psych dept's classes, as of now, the current available ones aren't too fancy nor interesting, which i really hesitate to take alone, if i wait for the others then the other depts are entering short sem, which starts in October, so if by then schedule are messed up, then i am screwed and have no chance to graduate. Or maybe i am a bit overdramatizing.

My video card burnt out, my car engine blew, financially unstable, racking debts. This sounds familiar, my lowest point was probably that few years ago when we had to mortgage our car and live on charity, rice and egg and soya sauce became almost a constant meal, and every thing had to be at its minimum so to not over spend.

So, is this the worst year yet? I boldy proclaim not! Well, not like its any better, and furthermore, health seems to be a big issue now, already so many times we were admitted to the hospital without insurance coverage and had to fork out our own cash. Yeap, should have bought insurance, if we could afford it! hehe.

Anyway, a series of unfortunate events? Even it may seem like it, but when you think about it,

there are many things to be thankful for, at least, staying positive helps.

I mentioned many times before in this blog that when we think life is bad, there are probably people worse off, no roofs over their head, no food, no water, no parents etc.

So, in conclusion, i just say its one of those trying years that some point in the future, i can blog about it and reference this.

Plus, it makes a great story.

Just saying.

-My, My-