Don't Look Back In Anger

Since my big breakdown in physical health, i had much time to think things through, time to reflect, time to rest, time to rethink what i was doing and what i will be doing.

After 4 - 5 months down the road, with many events following one after another, i realized what i really want to do, and i pray God approves.

Yesterday's sermon in church was all too heart-piercing, something i kept asking God for in my church, for i felt the sermons were too light, God hit home, it hit hard, hard that i doubt my entrance to heaven.

The speaker used 21"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' 23Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!' - Matthew 7:21-23

He argued and said that Christians who call themselves Christians may not even be real Christians after all.
So we have accomplished much in the name of Christ, we used His name, we claim to be living the life of a true Christian, but when trialled through fire, can we stand? What is the will of God? to be uprooted and go forth? To give up on our dreams? To turn our backs on the world and walk as Paul and the prophets did?

I knew i wasn't there, not even halfway, complacency took over, life has been good, and i like it to remain good. Good for me, a safe haven, where i can go through life and end up where i want to go.

But then again, what am i doing? Where am i heading? Am i on the right track? I say no. No, enough is enough. Time to do something, time to kick old habit, time to move on from guilty to blameless before God. Time for God. Time.

For the past few years been swayed to work and gain money, provide security for family. But to what end? People say that we will end up in cubicles regardless of how much we resist it. Routine life is dead. For me at least.

I decided what I want to do. God willing that it will be in His will and when i die, He welcomes me with open arms instead of condemning me to eternal darkness and flames for the devil and his angels.

Past 4 - 5 months, death has been lurking around in corners, preying on ones near me. Recently a good friend's mom passed away, moved by tears by her compassion and love for God, i felt ashamed, i felt as if the past 22 years i have wasted it in vain.
Recently another friend's dad passed away, again it hit me that life was short, unpredictable, Jesus second advent was coming to pass, but no one will know when, and if we are not prepared, where will we go? What will He say?

I recently found out one of my favorite Christian singer songwriter Steven Curtis Chapman adopted daughter passed away. ( Article and videos here: http://michellemalkin.com/2008/05/22/maria-sue-chapman-rip-2003-2008/
More to be found on Youtube)

Again moved to tears by the tragic news though it escaped my notice when it happen whilst i was sick and down.

This is a different kind of emo-ing. Well, time to buck up, time is running out. I fear death take control of me before i accomplish what i have to.

Where have all the good years gone? Where?
Where were the years where Christianity was the only thing i ever talk about?
Why growing up have to be this hard?

God, hasten Thy hand to rescue me.