..by the window

As far as i could remember, there were a few best friends in life.

One particularly was a Spitz breed dog name Daisy.

Now Daisy had golden brown fur and was always delightful in the presence of people, i always thought she had the knack for acrobatics as she loves jumping and standing on two to get my attention.

One day, mom and i went out to the store, and when we got back, she was gone. But the gate wasn't opened, everything seemed in place, we searched the neighborhood, but we couldn't find her. No way she could have ran off, we surmised she was kidnapped, probably was my fault, because at that time, there was a free gift thing going on in one of the electrical shops, and we already obtained one free gift, but our letterbox had another, so we went again, this time Daisy was then taken away, could be a ploy to get us out of the house so she could be kidnapped, i am not sure if that was what really went down, but as far as my memory goes, that was how i remembered it.

The second one i remembered was Junior, no idea how that name came about. The dog one day went into my uncle's shop, and we decided to adopt it, Junior was either deaf or he was called by another name, he never knew or learned to respond to his name even after so long. He was a mixed breed, i at least know he is part shih-tzu.

Junior lived with us for awhile, though he was with ticks and very active, he became someone that was part of the family, we took him everywhere, even to Ipoh, where we would go on waterfall trips and he would be there as well.

I was initially afraid of him, given that i was pretty young, but then i just came to appreciate him.

He always had this fur problem, which poked his eyes, we always cut it when we can, but one day maggots filled the eyes and was eating him away alive.

We obviously brought him to the neighborhood vet, whose fees we couldn't afford, but we didn't want to put him down, so the vet kindly said he will do the operation for free and will put him up for adoption, and whoever willing to pay the fee will get Junior.

We consented and that was the last i saw him.

As with Daisy, i wept for a day or two, and was depressed for quite awhile.

The dog my neighbor reared looks like Junior, but he wasn't.

I don't know how he is doing.

I just wept.

I think from then on i didn't want to be attached to any more animals, and i didn't.

Till come 2009, sis brought back Pepper, a Lhasa Apso breed tibetan dog. Not much of a connection really, i tried not to, given past experiences.

But i couldn't resist, i still didn't do much with him, my family did more, but i play with him when i can and discipline him.

Then on Friday, the most recent one, he ran out of the house, onto the road and got into a hit-and-run.

Sister brought it home, he seemed fine, he didn't make a noise, and his eyes was still big and he was trying to move, but he moved a bit then fall, moved a bit and fall, he tried to draw closer to me at one point, but he was coughing blood and panting, we tried to rush him to the vet hospital. But he died halfway. So we went back home instead.

As with the others, i wept.

The whole day today didn't feel right, tv shows wasn't making me laugh, i just slept.

I could have prevented him from running out, what was i thinking? But too late.

I apologize to those whom i said doggie heaven wasn't real, i hope it exist, i don't know why, i hope they do, even with Pepper i already not as attached and i feel so much. He is buried in the lawn in front of my house. At least this time, he is closer to home than the rest.

-Pepper-