Free Association

My legs hurt, like skin cracked, probably due to my eczema and all, it hurts, but i got used to it already, it isn't anything, i just think why i have this? doctors lied when they say i would outgrow, mom continually finding new treatment, but i gave up, not like its life threatening, just sick of it. i kinda hungry, if only i could boil or fry eggs like simon, i mean i could but i lazy la, some more just bathed, my hair and clothes would smell, can sleep the hunger off, i listening to skillet, kinda cool, they christian rock band, but sing the songs can be quite secular, so pretty cool on that, i think i pretty happy, i finally becoming a bit more stable in areas where last year i couldn't, i read my xanga blog again alst night after a good close buddy told me she found it, so i went back again, didn't know why i didn't deleted it, maybe because i felt that my writings are precious and that i would like to gauge my growth since when i alst wrote, and i found out back then i still struggling with the same things except now pretty jaded. i like dogs, but i could never make myself love them so much because my previous dogs were robbed from me, first dog was blackie, that was my uncle's dog, uber cute, and he was a spitz, all black, but he died after having a good fat life, and i was sad, then we had daisy, also a spitz but super loads of fur, and could do acrobatic stuff, or thats what i remember of her, she would always wait on you and jump to greet you, so so happy, till one day it ran or was kidnapped, i never knew, i juts sat outside weeping silently, till now i can remember her though i only had her for awhile, then came junior, whom i was afraid of for awhile, because it was super active and all, but got used to it, and i loved the dog so much, took it back to ipoh and went waterfall with the dog, took pictures, and he was just so cute, and all, but later his fur poked his eyes, and got infection and maggots were there, we couldn't afford the treatment, so we had to give it up and give others, now the neighbours dog look like junior but wasn't junior... i wish i had junior, hoping he having a better life than when he was with my family. Falling through the black, slipping through the crack, nice rhyme. i'm getting used to the idea of being myself and having life, life is good, i think its good because it is good, i think i learned alot this year, and its alright, nowadays i don't know why i 've been sleeping more, and not because i am super tired, but i just am and i enjoy them, i had a dream that i was suppose to be with my friend to go ona trip, but another friend butted in and tried to make it not happen, so i wasn't happy, but i tried and tried, and tried, hmm, not sure what happened in the end, i kinda blur nowadays, i mixed dream with reality and i am reminded my memory kinda bad, do i have some kind of disease? i hope not i really think i just dumb and stupid. because if i found out i was sick now, i don't think i can handle it or even let anyone know.. someone told me to work travel in USA to get good money, but how to go there when i in the first place no money? i am still not used to wearing shorts going in public. i do the stupidest things like driving to places and stuff, i wonder am i dreaming or what? i think i have no money, but sometimes my family made me think i have, but i don't. i always say i wanna play games but why do i have no time? i wanna play play play, but no time la, wait i do have time, but i don't know how am i spending it, i have a best friend, but i don't know why i can't talk to him, but i have another best friend whom i can tell the world, i wonder why, the one i can't talk to he claim i am his best friend too, but nothing deep also, perplexing wei. i crave for steak all the time, i don't know why, and potatoes, hmm potatoes are my favourite, but steak ah so expensive la to get a good one, i wished i knew how to cook, or someone cook for me la, but who knows right? aiyo, i wish i could eat it every week, got cravings, but no money, i'm happy with white rice and soya sauce and an egg, i used to eat that and it was nice, i am trained to eat cheap, better la, i don't know la, i no money but my friends got so they go places i cannot afford, but i go anyway to talk to them then they think i like super poor and try to treat me but i don't want la, i like freeloader not nice. i wonder why i like meeting people but cannot sustain friendship, i too lazy? hahahaha, i don't know la whatever, i always listen to the same song over and over, and hardly listen to new stuff, thats why i can never expand my library of songs, also i don't learn to play new songs, thats why i suck at guitar, i wanna be so many things, but cannot.. people ask me what i wanna do, i don't know, anyway, i think i gonna be like this awhile, ahhahahahahahaa, hopefully i know what i am doing, i am thristy, i should drink water. i got season 9 of simpsons, but cannot watch, tv outside where dad occupies the room. friend say i don't make effort to get girls, is it? i think my efforts ok la, but not reciprocated only ma, hahahahahahaha, i got fear of cockroaches, they're terrible and digusting, why? why got such creature????? i wish i had a horse so i can ride into the winds! i want a sword, super fascinated with swords, i play games with swords in it, i like swords.

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Free association, for real.

Psychoanalyze me, please.