Sweep!

Been talking to mom lately, guess didn't really communicate with her over the past years, but now we got a bit of mutual understanding between us =)

A lot happened this year, but so far looking better than 2009!

Good stuff:

- Got a nephew who i'm gonna mil for cash! muahaha

- Made more substantial friends, adding to my quite cool list of friends.

- Went Thailand for mission trip, good fooood

- Build better friendships with people

- Street Fighter 4

- On my way to grad!

- Still having good friends around (the old ones)

- Knowing I am a better man than certain people of my age

- Friends came back from overseas for holidays!

Bad stuff:

- Need to find job soon, dreams of doing my own stuff after graduation seem unlikely now

- More and more problems, more responsibilities

- My dog depressed

- Busy till can't catch up with friends as much as i would like to

- Xbox 360 been neglected, i think she filing a divorce.

- God and I seem to be separated by a metaphorical chasm

- No thong as birthday present

- People still call me Watson, Lordston, Lawson, Lawrence

But all in all, good year, better than when i fell sick!

Been playing some street fighter, my gaming cred all gone.

I lost to a girl, YES, a girl.

Then i lost to my sifu, Aku, for 36 rounds consecutively.

At least i won one or twice with some people, SOME people.

but good game!

Still...

why Chun-Li's thighs so thick? Can feed the whole third world country wei!

BURN!

Muahahahahahaa.

With You

And you call me a..?

God creates Adam, and soon Adam is complaining that he's all alone in the Garden of Eden. So God says, "Okay, I'll make you a companion, a beautiful creature who'll cook and clean for you. It will be able to converse intelligently on any subject, and never ever complain or argue."

Adam says, "That sounds great."

God says, "The only thing is, it will cost you an arm and a leg."

Adam says, "That's expensive!! What can I get for a rib?"

I'm sexist? HAHA.

Goodnight

Goodnight room
Goodnight moon
Good night cow jumping over the moon
Goodnight light
And the red balloon
Goodnight bears
Goodnight chairs
Goodnight kittens,
And goodnight mittens
Goodnight clocks
And goodnight socks
Goodnight little house
And goodnight mouse
Goodnight comb
And goodnight brush
Goodnight nobody
Goodnight mush
And goodnight to the old lady whispering hush
Goodnight stars
Goodnight air
Goodnight noises everywhere

Bad Case of Loving You

About 3 post away, i wrote a poem, it was for my mummy. I think she has been giving too much without asking back, she did talked me a few times, but what could i do? Well, for one thing, i swept and mopped the floor today. At least one thing off her list eh?

I think my mom has been working ever since young, hasn't rested, her dreams to travel, to open a business or to even own her own garden was not fulfilled. She has been selflessly giving her time and effort to make sure we're better than we should be. Power of mothers. This is probably the most cliche post ever.

Mommy couldn't lived her dream of going overseas as a nurse because her conservative mom wouldn't want her to marry a foreigner. So mommy gives us a lot of liberty.

Mommy had no freedom as a kid. Now we got the freedom she never had.

Mommy don't buy stuff she wants. We get what we wanted.

Mommy never played favourites. But she was blamed so.

Mommy could have walked. But she didn't. Instead we did, occasionally.

Mommy couldn't even leave to watch a movie because worry of baby. But i did, often.

Mommy tried her best. We gave her the worst.

Okok, like becoming emo post. I love mommy. She da best.

-In The Midst-

Hey Lil Bugger..

-Happy 1 month old, nephew, you've made it this far, many more milestones to go dude =) -

G.R

Reaper make its round again nearby, another death occured.

Miscarriage happens.

Been reading some blogs on a recent death, some say they never knew the person and wish they could, some planned to go out with him but not now and never will be, a lot of people say things, a lot of regrets. They couldn't grasp the importance of doing and not planning.

Time has no mercy, no limit.

How sure are we there is always a tomorrow?

So why plan so far ahead, aye?

Sometimes we just should take a leap and see where it goes.

days, months or years. It is naive to think we are untouchable,

By tomorrow, another live robbed, another flower withers.

why not now? why later? why do we plan for something uncertain?

Sometimes, it is best to dive into the unkown in the moment.

That's what makes life interesting, make life worth living.

So pardon me, if i seem hasty and impatient.

You'll never know when life vanishes or when it will stop existing for you.

As morbid as it sounds, it serves as an indicator to live life now, as uncertain as tomorrow be, hope you have no regrets.

I live the way i want it to be, as i told a friend, i don't believe in time frames, if it happens, it happens.

If we let ourselves set up a prison for our minds and not do anything soon and just keep making excuses and plans, who knows before any eleventh hour, the tenth hour you are gone.

Ah, life, and death, how you both seem to make life so short, and how you fool and toil around with lives, kudos, if death can speak anything to life, then life would speak out much more before death.

Aliens Vs. Me

-Even Aliens got a chance to be married, and me still single-

She

Her hesitance, her sighs,

Her woes are nigh,

Gaze upon the open greens,

Wondering if the end justifies the means.

Standing before her responsibility,

The endless cycle, the ungraitfying continuity,

She tires herself endlessly,

Never uttering a word, moving silently.

The pain she bore, she could never tell,

Though life was good, she was unwell,

As the water runs through her feet,

Tears come after, rolling down her cheek.

Who could rescue her at this time?

There was no crisis, no cry of help, no crime,

All she could do was open her eyes,

Weep silently, the unheard cries.

Helplessly one stand afar,

Looking at her, scar upon scar,

The agony of doing nothing,

The shame ever haunting.

When will the spinning end?

When will the Up High help to send?

Still ever strifing there she stands,

Her strength, her will to carry on, I could never understand.

30th May, 2009

-Lordson-

Song2

A lot of things to do, a lot to handle, yet i have no focus.

mid-terms, thesis experiment, things in life!

How do clowns juggle so many stuff in one go?

The key to change if vested within one individual, isn't it too much power and responsibility given?

Wonder how would Jesus have felt at the moment before the cross.

Was talking to a friend, we discussed the emerging trends of churches, it seems that once again the church faces trouble, could be politics, could be organization problems, what is true though is that a lot of christians are no longer christians.

Come to think of it, what differenciate us from others?

We come, we do all that is needed, we leave. It's been going on for years and years.

If we always adapt to the changing world, then we might as well don't subsribe to a religion.

Another friend said, "Jesus is actually a cool dude, it's the christians that make Him look bad."

Ouch, i have no qualms agreeing.

If we are the reason Jesus died on the cross, why are we now the reason of making Him look bad?

Ah, questions that probably could never be answered, another friend wrote on the blog that some things just can't be answered, why bother. I agree.

Sometimes, friends have the darndest things to say, and its true.

Childhood - perfect solace in an imperfect world.

-Emerging Times-

Girl

If i was a girl,

It'll make boys hurl,

Lipsticks abound, my hair twirls,

Prepare my coming, world!

If I were a lady,

Guys would ask me out daily,

or so i think, because i'm easy,

easy to mix with, you silly!

If i was a female,

I'd catch all the attention of males,

I'll be flocked with thousand of emails,

One of them probably is the prince of wales.

If i was a woman,

no men in the world to entice i couldn't,

i bet this poem has proven,

Me as a girl, will be awesome.

Sigh... why do i even bother posting up such post.

-Flatness-

Aerosmith

Thai do love their pink, i mean REALLY love them.

Pink Gazebo on a VERY hot day.

Pink Bench for your ass.

All pink building, oh gosh..

ALL PINK internet cafe, this is DA BOMB, 30 minutes in this, MY EYES LITERALLY HURT. Business idea fail!! FAIL! at least i hope it fails, damn.

Pink license plate, with Hello Kitty, UGH!

Pink Taxis?? WTH!

Pink BUS??!?!?!

PINK TOYOTA TAXI???

Pink fashion sense?!? (quite rampant in thailand)

Pink bicycle helmet?? This is getting worse by the picture!

l

Oh gosh, pink atm??? GIMME A BREAK! Withdrawing money also is pinkish, i surrender, you win! Dammit! YOU WIN THIS TIME!

Chasing The Wind

Yesterday, someone took me out for lunch, trying to understand and help me, prayed, and then told me that the seed within me was wrinkled and dried up, that i need to reach out to God.

It struck me that it's been this way for a very long time.

I tried returning, and yes, it helped, the thai mission trip, it helped too, but it didn't penetrate the core. I deceived myself by thinking i was returning by going to church, having theological debates. Those helped me see God a lil, but i was too far to touch Him.

Don't understand why. Sometimes i understand why some people refused to believe in Christianity, why some of them seem so adamant bout remaining anything but a Christian. But i don't know how to tell them anymore, that that is not the way to live.

I have the knowledge, not the passion.

Everything seems like it has lost its significance.

I used to see the world as exciting and colorful, now just desert upon desert. Not to say being emotional about it or anything. It just seems that i lost purpose in life. I very well know i could and would go work, get some cash, help the needy, bless my family, go travel and what not, but in the end, i just don't see where it all fits in with the moving world.

I feel like a walking ghost amongst the world, at home, i just do what i should do, and that's it. Conversations never go beyond "Any clothes to wash?" or "had lunch yet?"

Eye contact never go beyond the surface.

Amongst others, i'm there but not there. i enjoy the company, but after nightfall, i felt nothing.

I have no motivation to penetrate into groups anymore, no joy in trying to fit in, no care if i just go and leave.

What should matter doesn't, what shouldn't does.

I lie awake sometimes wondering what am i doing.

Sometimes i think i try too hard too much, or i don't at all.

There is no constant anymore, just waves.

I wish this was an emo post and that it is a phase.

If it really is, it is a very very long phase.

-Fastball-

Comments

Statements or comments directed to me while in Thailand (may not be quoted word for word):

"You got nice long silky hair"

"You've gained weight"

"No finding of thai wife during the trip"

"Learn how to dress up like them"

What would have been better would be:

"You are the most handsome m'sian i've ever seen"

"I wanna marry you"

"You probably taste as good as thai green curry"

"I wish you were here during songkran, wet...mmmm"

"You have more variety in you than all floating market combined"

"if you were here, tuk-tuk would be ***censored***"

Ok, with that, i probably should end, thailand, give more positive comments please! I come again soon, buck up!

-English Phail-

Dear Lord,

Keep my family in prayer.

With the new addition, mom has been stressed, for she has extra things to do.

Apart from that, there are others too.

Family needs prayer, will you, pray with me?

-Art In Heaven-

Hanging By A Moment

-Almost Complete-

This Is A Sketch

Another morning another day of classes.

The Thailand self-organized mission trip (wasn't self self, more of friend herself organized, thus the self) was good, learned a lot, maybe too much.

If i could just put my mind to it, i would put up posts here and there talking about it. Just not today.

If you all didn't know already, sister had a baby.

Amazing thing was, we didn't find out till after the baby was delivered.

How could that had happened? Well, i guess you just gotta come visit the baby, buy some gifts (Seriously we just need pampers) and we will tell you this tale, of course, alternatively just direct thy questions to me, my mom or sis.

But all in all, i guess i kinda failed as a brother, why did i not noticed she had a baby for that long?

Why was i ignorant? Why was I such a dick to my sister?

So many questions, no time to turn back.

What can i say? maybe i wrapped myself in my own world and problems and i decided to interpret everything i see and hear as what i want them to be.

I never ask her anything, she never tell. Since when we ended up becoming such strangers tied with blood?

Odd, frustrated yet somewhat amusing.

Sometimes i think i really am wasting space in my family.

I don't contribute, i constantly just am around.

Something to ponder about.

2009 is becoming a fairly interesting year.

Interesting, exciting, discouraging all at the same time.

Life. Such it is.

-Jealous-

Nothing Good Happens After 2 a.m.

Relationships aren't my forte.

I think i always been struggling with relationships, be it with family, friends, acquaintances or the most important - God.

And sometimes i wonder why God would wired me such way.

I hardly can get close to anyone, because i believe people will disappoint, i always think i am setting up myself for disappointment, so when i do get close to someone, i tend to have thoughts that leads me to shun the person off awhile until the friendship drops into the "just friends" zone, then i'll be normal again.

Or sometimes i create unnecessary arguments just so to prove my point that humans disappoint and this ending some friendships or destroying some.

That explains my lack of close friends.

Those who have stuck me by probably learned enough to know that i can be a douche and just deal with it, and i probably fought with them one way or another =p

With God, i am just like the Israelites, taking God for granted in good times and pursuing God in bad.

In the bible, it was considered like prostitution and cheating, so that makes me a whore?

In any case, it is worth pondering that why i am like this.

Could be my family upbringing, or my past that made me so, if only i could psychoanalyze myself as well as some of my friends do.

Well, i foresee a future where i'll one day just don't care and live life.

Till then, this will be a matter of concern.

Seeing how many failed friendships, failed girl friendships and countless countless failed God relationships i've made, i decided to stick with Lost's saying, "live together, die alone"

-Ooh? Dramatic Baby G! -

The Big C

Game plan has changed!

With the new addition and my impending graduation, stepping up is a must.

Mission trip post is coming.

I just haven't sort out stuff yet.

In the meantime, semester has not bog me down yet, so got time to think of stuff.

I guess one thing to ponder about is

seriously what am i gonna do after i grad?

Work definitely, but what else?

Fall into cliches?

Man, cliche, such a cliche word.

My nephew has brought joys to the family.

His name is Gideon, though, if you ask me, i'd like to name him something else.

why wouldn't anyone ask me for possible names??

Anyway, baby G still going hospital because of prolonged jaundice, poked his baby hands till got a number of holes to test blood, poor thing!

keep him in prayer.

And the family too.

Thanks

Good Morning, World!

-What?-

I am an uncle, eat that! The pic is my nephew. Before you ask me stupid questions, google definition of nephew.

That's Right!

-I'm Back Baby!-